35 ways to use a CD

1. Classical way. The most valuable. The most popular. CD can be used as the saucer for the tea cup. Go and warm up the kettle and get the new CD ready!

2. The brightest way. You may decorate the wall with CDs as they reflect beautifully. All the real hackers do so.

3. The most vulgar way. You can hang the CDs on the threads at your exposition stand. At the Internet-96 at least Acer, or someone of their partners, did so in the Internet Saloon.

4. Restored way from ASR FAQ. Take the alarm clock. Take off the glass and the hands. Put the CD. Put the hands. Hurrah! An up-to-date timing generator is ready.

5. Primitivism. Do you know what is “too hot to handle”? That’s a CD in the microwave.

6. Record way. You can be listed in the Guinness Book (the one making the Drink). All you have to do is to make a pole of CDs as high as you can. I managed for 3,24 meters. It is a joke. Only 18 cm.

7. Discobolus is a Greek national game. Beach discobolus is a variant. But be careful at the beach as the CDs are afraid of moisture.

8. A Hollywood smile. Put a CD into your mouth and smile all day long with a Big grin.

9. Holiday way. You can decorate your Christmas tree with CDs. Or the Labour Day tree, as you like.

10. Enlightener way. The CDs can be used at school as the constant radius divider. Do you know what radius is? This is a half of the diameter!

11. Bookkeeper’s way. If you take some wire and some CDs you can make accounts.

12. Confectionary way. CDs can be used to cut butter or cakes.

13. Philosophic way. You can watch the world through the hole. Or it’s better to look through the mirror. Do you recognize yourself?

14. Medical way. Do you know the doctor ENT (ear-nose-throat, otolaryngologist) has this mirror with a hole for the eye? All you need is to bend your CD, for focusing. And you will be able to pull in the satellite channels. But not for sure! (At least you can pull in the radio.)

15. Sports way. The CD tracks can be used as race tracks for the cockroaches’ race. But you will need to find very little cockroaches.

16. Defensive way. If you were attacked in the dark street, break your CD in two and defend yourself! Or you can quickly nibble your CD to shape and use it as a boomerang. If you manage, you win a prize – a trip to Australia, single ticket. To get back – swim.

17. Transportation way. CDs can be used to make a wheel machine. Don’t make more than six wheels – they won’t be appreciated!

18. Visualizing way. Use your CD as a mirror! But first you will have to grind the tracks off.

19. That’s a rainbow you always have with you!

20. You can juggle? Try the CDs!

21. Favourite way. Shredder.

22. National way. Throw them into the air and shoot. Instead of plates.

23. Cyber-punk fashion hit! Use the CDs as the earrings. And for piercing in general what you can imagine.

24. Gambling way. Roll them to chase each other. One CD per whist.

25. Throw them against mail-boxes. And the neighbours will be really surprised! Especially if you manage to knock it down. If you don’t just take a bob instead of a CD!

26. Weariful way. Twist it on your finger. If the finger is too fat, keep to a diet. Or treat it with a riffler. I don’t mean the fingers of course.

27. And again the cyber-punk fashion. CDs are very fashionable rings.

28. There are cyber-punks, and there are cyber-hippies. CDs are wonderful baubles. A blue band and a black background, I mean skin. So the background is only for the black skin!

29. I can’t ignore the NR (I don’t mean Newpark Resources or Numerical Recipes, but the New Russians). The CDs can be used for training the ridge-pole of the fingers. Have you ever tried to sit on the splits with your fingers? (The dictionary: the splits a position in which you rest on the floor with your legs spread wide in opposite directions).

30. Water way. You may throw the CDs on the water surface instead of stones.

31. Physical and optical way. They can be lightened by the laser pointer. If you point it at the CD you will see a cool interferential image.

32. Decorational way. You can use it as a sticker for the fake travel allowance. Either you can cut a CD by a sharpened measuring glass for several mensual travel cards or you can glue a CD on a big travel card, e.g. annual. And a great videoCD can be placed on a five-year travel card! Or a usual Microsoft licensed but than you will get a lifelong allowance for insanity. Students have the right for discounts, they may glue Chinese CDs.

33. Hygienic way. You can put your CD on the tap over the wash-bowl and place your toothbrush and shaver on it. But remember: the CD’s surface is as irregular as the landscape…

34. Electrotechnical way. You can screw a lamp through a CD (treat the CD with a riffler if needed). And, oh gosh, here’s the Cyber-punk chandelier!

35. High social positions method: one can drain the market dry. Buy a Chinese CD, with the warranty, of course. Scratch it with a paper clip. And again, just in case. Go to the market. Change the CD. Then do the same as with CD #1. To exit the cycle use the condition (#CD=1,000,000,000) {note: all the Chinese CDs are already scratched} or (Microsoft has announced to stop the fake soup supply from Redmond to Russia) {note: Hooray! Your social dissatisfaction is satisfied but you are guilty of millions of hungry Chinese learning how to make Network Computers out of vacuum tube TV sets}.